How We Found Our Nanny (and the 17 Questions We Asked)
A step-by-step breakdown of how we searched, interviewed, and hired a nanny. Including the exact 17 questions we used and the red flags we missed.
We spent more time interviewing our nanny than I spent interviewing for my last job. And honestly? That feels about right.
The moment it hit me was around week 30 of the pregnancy. My wife and I were eating dinner, half-watching something on TV, when she casually said "so who's watching the baby when we both go back to work?" I looked at her. She looked at me. Neither of us had an answer. We had a crib, a stroller, a car seat, 47 onesies, and zero childcare plans. We'd spent three months comparing bottle brands and exactly zero minutes thinking about who would be in our house alone with our child for eight hours a day. Classic first-time parents.
Where to Actually Look
Your first instinct might be to Google "nanny near me" and start clicking through care.com listings. I'd pump the brakes on that. The best nannies rarely show up in generic search results, and the big aggregator sites can be a mixed bag in terms of quality.
Here's what actually worked for us. We started with Facebook groups specific to our city and county. Most metro areas have moderated childcare groups that require approval to join, and that approval process filters out a surprising amount of noise. Moms in these groups post recommendations constantly, and you can see the real-time back-and-forth about who's good and who's not. NannyLane.com was our second stop, and it ended up being where we found our current nanny after the rough first attempt I'll get to later. We also Googled local nanny agencies in our area, which was genuinely useful for understanding what the market rate was in our zip code, even though we didn't end up going through an agency. And word of mouth. Ask every parent you know. Ask your pediatrician's office. Ask the woman at daycare pickup who always seems to have it together. She probably went through this exact same panic six months ago and has a name and a phone number ready.
Start searching in your third trimester, around week 28 if you can swing it. Finding, interviewing, onboarding, and training a nanny takes way more time than you expect. And here's the stat that nobody tells you upfront: most families go through 2-3 nannies before finding a long-term fit. Let that sink in for a second. This is probably not going to be a one-and-done hire. Budget your time and emotional energy accordingly.
The 17 Questions
We built this list after reading everything we could find online and talking to four families in our neighborhood who'd hired nannies in the past two years. Some of these questions seem obvious. A few surprised us with how much they revealed about a candidate when we actually asked them out loud.
We did all of our interviews over video first, then brought finalists in for an in-person meeting at our house. Both rounds used these same questions.
1. Tell me about yourself. Where are you from and what's your experience with childcare?
Open-ended on purpose. You want to hear how they tell their own story. Do they talk about the kids they've cared for with warmth and specific detail? Do they light up when they mention a particular child, or does it all sound rehearsed and generic? The specific answer matters less than the energy behind it.
2. What are your salary expectations and availability?
Get this out of the way early. No point falling in love with a candidate who needs $15/hour more than your budget allows or can't work Tuesdays when Tuesday is your longest office day. Be direct about your schedule, your budget range, and any flexibility. Let them be equally direct about theirs.
3. What's your vacation and leave policy expectation? How do you prefer to communicate about urgent time off?
This one prevents so many future conflicts and I wish more interview guides included it. Some nannies expect two weeks paid vacation per year, some expect none and would rather have higher hourly pay. Some will text you at 6am if they're feeling sick, some will call, some might not tell you until you're expecting them at the door. Knowing their default communication style now saves real arguments later.
4. When are you available to start?
Simple but matters more than you think for planning your parental leave transition and any overlap period.
5. What specific experience do you have with infants versus toddlers?
A great toddler nanny might have zero infant experience. They're very different skill sets. Infants need someone comfortable with newborn sleep, feeding schedules, and the general terror of holding a 9-pound human who can't support their own head. If you're hiring for a 3-month-old, you want someone who's done the newborn thing before and isn't learning the basics on your kid.
6. Tell me about the last two children you cared for. How long were you with each family?
Duration matters here. If they've had six families in two years, ask why. Short stints aren't always a red flag (families relocate, kids age into school, budgets change), but a pattern of short stays is worth understanding before you invest in someone.
7. What were your exact daily responsibilities with your previous family?
This tells you what they consider "their job" versus what they consider extra. Some nannies do bottles, diapers, naps, and play. Full stop. Others also handle baby laundry, prep meals, straighten up the play area, run baby-related errands. Know what you're getting so there's no resentment on either side three months in.
8. Are you comfortable with pets in the household?
If you have a dog or a cat, this is a dealbreaker question you need to ask early. Some people are allergic. Some are genuinely afraid of dogs, even friendly ones. Some love animals and will walk your dog on top of watching your kid. Find out before day one, not during the awkward first morning when your lab jumps on them.
9. How do you approach nap time for a baby this age?
Nap philosophy is surprisingly divisive in the childcare world and you will have opinions about this too. You'll learn fast whether they're a "let them fuss for a few minutes and self-settle" person or a "rock them to sleep in my arms every single time" person. Neither approach is wrong, but it should roughly match your household's approach or you'll be undoing each other's work constantly.
10. What age-appropriate sensory or learning activities would you do with our child?
This question separates "I'll keep your baby alive and safe" from "I'll actively help your baby develop." Both are valid services, but know which one you're paying for. Strong answers include specific things: tummy time with different surfaces, high-contrast books for newborns, music and singing, texture play, outdoor walks with narration about what they're seeing. Vague answers like "oh, we'd just play" are a yellow flag.
11. How would you handle a tantrum or frustration episode?
Even babies get frustrated before they can talk. Older infants will lose it over a dropped toy or a failed crawl attempt. You want to hear words like patience, redirection, validation, and calm. If their answer involves any form of correction or punishment for an infant or toddler's emotional outburst, that tells you everything you need to know.
12. Are you CPR and First Aid certified? When was your last training?
Non-negotiable in my opinion, and this is a hill I'm willing to die on. If they're not currently certified, ask if they're willing to get certified before the start date and offer to cover the cost. Most local Red Cross chapters offer infant CPR and First Aid as a half-day course for under $80. Certification expires every two years, so "I was certified in 2019" doesn't count.
13. Have you worked in a household where one or both parents work from home?
This is increasingly common and it creates a specific, awkward dynamic that nobody talks about. You're going to hear your baby cry from your home office while someone else soothes them. Your instinct will be to walk downstairs. A nanny who's done this before knows how to handle the parent-hovering situation gracefully and can set boundaries with you in a way that makes everyone's life easier.
14. What's your typical commute and what's your plan if there's bad traffic?
A nanny who lives 45 minutes away in good traffic lives 90 minutes away in bad traffic. If your workday starts at 8:30 and your first meeting is at 9, you need someone who accounts for weather, accidents, and the general unpredictability of commuting. Not a dealbreaker on its own, but you want to hear that they've actually thought about the logistics rather than hand-waving it.
15. How would you handle a day when the baby is sick?
Some nannies won't come in if the baby has a fever. Others consider caring for a sick child part of the job description. Clarify this now. A sick baby day with no childcare backup will ruin your whole week, not just your Tuesday.
16. Are you open to a long-term commitment if the relationship works well?
Not everyone is looking for a multi-year position and that's fine. Some nannies prefer short contracts because they're in school or they travel seasonally. Some want to grow with a family and be there through multiple kids. If you're hoping for stability and continuity for your child, say so directly and ask if that matches what they're looking for in their next role.
17. Can you provide references I can speak with today or this week?
Today or this week. Not "I'll get back to you." Not "eventually." Strong candidates have two or three references on their phone and can connect you same day. If someone interviews well but can't produce a single reference within a few days, treat that as information.
Red Flags We Missed the First Time
Our first nanny interviewed beautifully. Warm personality, ten years of experience, enthusiastic references that checked out. We hired her after two video conversations and one in-person meeting. We skipped the trial day because we felt so confident and because we were running out of leave time. Mistake.
Within two weeks, patterns started emerging. She was consistently 10-15 minutes late. Not enough to make a big deal about on any given day, but enough to make my wife late for her 9am standup three times in the first two weeks. When we brought it up casually, she got defensive and mentioned traffic. Fair enough. Then we started noticing she was on her phone a lot during the baby's awake time. We'd come downstairs for a water or a snack and find the baby parked in the bouncer staring at the ceiling while she sat on the couch scrolling. When we reviewed the nanny cam footage (which she knew about, we were upfront and transparent about it from interview one), we saw long stretches of this.
We let her go after a month. It was deeply uncomfortable. It felt like a failure. I hated the conversation and I hated being back at square one with a 4-month-old and two full-time jobs. If you're in that first month survival mode, the last thing you need is a childcare crisis on top of everything else. But here's what I'd tell past-me: the interview is a performance. The trial day is the dress rehearsal. The first two weeks on the job are the real audition. Trust your gut faster than we did. We saw the signs in week one and waited four more weeks hoping it would improve. It didn't.
What It Costs
This varies by region, so treat these numbers as a starting point and not an exact quote.
Major metro area (NYC, SF, LA): $22-35/hour
Mid-size city: $17-25/hour
Suburban/rural: $14-20/hour
Live-in nanny: Often a lower hourly rate but you're covering room and board on top
For a full-time nanny working 40 hours per week in a mid-size city, you're looking at $35,000-52,000 per year before taxes. That's a significant chunk of the overall cost of a baby's first year, and it's worth planning for long before the invoices start. And yes, you are technically an employer now. There are tax implications. You need to look up "nanny tax" or just call your accountant and ask. Payroll services like HomePay or GTM Payroll handle the withholding, tax filings, and compliance for a monthly fee that's worth every cent if you don't want to learn about household employment law in your spare time. Which you don't have anyway. The International Nanny Association also has resources on contracts, fair pay standards, and what a professional nanny relationship should look like.
Some families do a nanny share with another family to split costs. One nanny watches two kids from different families, either at one house or alternating. It works great when the kids are close in age and the families have compatible schedules. If the nanny is open to it, this can cut your costs by 30-40%.
The Trial Day
Before you commit to a full-time hire, do a paid trial day. One full workday where they come in, you show them the house and the routine, and then you leave. Or at minimum, go upstairs and stay out of the way for the full day. Let them figure out where the bottles are, how the monitor works, what to do when the nap goes off schedule. See how they problem-solve independently without you hovering three feet away.
Pay them their full rate for the trial. This is a professional doing professional work and you're asking for their time and skill. If the trial doesn't work out, you part ways cleanly with no hard feelings. If it does, you've already started building the daily routine together and day two feels less like starting from scratch.
We skipped this step with nanny number one and I genuinely regret it. With nanny number two, we scheduled the trial on a Thursday, talked it over Thursday night, confirmed Friday morning, and she started the following Monday. Clean. Confident. No guesswork.
One last practical thing: have your baby's full schedule written down and stuck to the fridge before the trial day. Feeding times, nap windows, any medications or allergies, pediatrician's number, your numbers, a neighbor's number for emergencies. Don't rely on the morning handoff to cover everything. You'll forget something. Write it all down.